Louisiana - The Happiest State

I heard it on the TV,
So I know it must be true.
Louisiana’s number one
We’re happy, me and you!

Our governor is brilliant,
His intellect is grand.
But we don’t need no Ivy League-
We got a Grambling band.

Highest unemployment,
Lowest Leap Test scores;
But you won’t hear our neighbors gripe-
They’re at the Wal-Mart store.

Our leaders are so famous-
They steal and cheat and lie.
We just keep electing them-
While eatin’ pecan pie.

When you’ve got no standards,
When you grow up poor,
You love the sound of mailman knocking-
Gubment check is at the door!

Our lawyers and our judges
Protect us with their code.
If you co-sign on their loans,
You’ll hit the mother-lode!

Oil and gas might kill us-
Casinos make us broke.
We’ll just drink and Beaujolais
And take another toke.

So keep your higher standards-
And keep your equal pay;
The Bible Belt will save us-
Sacred babies lead the way.

We’re thankful for our happiness,
We’re glad Katrina came.
She blew away the poor folk,
The devil, he’s to blame.

Teachers, social workers,
The clergy and the cops-
So happy with their low, low wage,
Resort to pushing mops.

But we in Louisiana,
We embrace all of this.
Keep us fat and dumb and poor,
For ignorance is bliss.